Friday, August 21, 2009

letting it out

Today, I've decided I won't be insightful or optimistic. For whatever reason, I'm just not in a good mood. I feel like I'm consistently trying to stay afloat, do my best, and keep a joyful attitude, but quite frankly, I am sick of swimming. I just want to give up for a while. There's a great deal to be said for summer vacations . . . I wish the whole world took summer vacation. I miss the days that I could do something totally different for 2 or 3 months of my life and take my mind off of my normal life to regroup and gear up for another round. Those days are over . . . and the more and more I enter into the "big kid life" the more I miss college, my friends, and my community.

It's funny, the normal me would be positive right now. She'd keep her chin up, know God has her in a place for a reason, and knows that she can be happy no matter where God has her. But it seems that it is more and more difficult to keep my head up. Day by day, I wonder where that girl is. Where is the normal me? The positive me? I've been trying to keep my head up, to put on a happy face for people. Because when people ask how life is going for me, they want to hear that things are great. But the truth is, I hate being away from my boyfriend. I really don't like California that much. And my job, well, it's not what I expected.

So . . . that's that. I said it. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, but as of now, I'd love nothing more than to be living back in the loft with the girls.