Wednesday, December 23, 2009

"Uncle Chuck Brownies"

It's been a week since Uncle Chuck's death, almost to the hour. As my parents house is a whirlwind of preparations for Christmas, I chose to make my new brownie creation that I created over Thanksgiving break.


When I came home last month, my fiance and I were planning to stop by to see my uncle on the way to KC from STL. I wanted to bring something for him, but I didn't have very much extra time to bake during the short time I was in Missouri. I decided brownies would be acceptable and take less time than the apple pie I normally make around Thanksgiving. I generally don't like brownies that I make, they always tend to be too thin and hard around the edges. I've never been very pleased with them. So, I began to brainstorm with my mom. I love brownies that are thick and moist . . . so, maybe I could put two boxes of brownies into one pan. And a bag of chocolate chips would make them more moist, right? I placed the brownies into the oven, hopeful about the results of the new experiment. When the brownies were done, they looked delicious!
As I sit here waiting for those same brownies to bake, I'm thinking of my Uncle and adding one last thing to the recipe. When we took the brownies to my uncle, he was not at all disappointed at the sight of brownies. He suggested my aunt bring in "that stuff to make it al a mode!" Whipped Cream! I know that I will forever think of Uncle Chuck when I make these brownies, and I am confident that he is hear with us this season. So, here's the simple, yet absolutely delicious recipe, for all to share!


Uncle Chuck Brownies

Ingredients
2 Boxes Brownie Mix (including all ingredients: i.e. eggs, oil, water)
1 bag of Milk Chocolate Chips
1 Carton Whipped Cream

Heat oven as directed according to box's 8X8 (Thickest) temperature
Grease bottom of 9 X 13 pan, or spray with nonstick cooking spray.

Combine one box of brownie mix and ingredients as directed on box.
Pour batter into pan. Sprinkle chocolate chips evenly over brownie batter.

Then, combine second box of brownie mix and ingredients as directed on box. Pour batter into pan, over chocolate chip layer.

Bake according to time on box for 8X8 pan (Thickest). Remove from oven and let cool.

When serving, add dollop of whipped cream to each serving. Store covered.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Forever he is free, You hold him now . . .

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fear is swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now


For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

"You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong

Today, my uncle and God-father went to be with Our Lord. He had been bravely battling the monster of pancreatic cancer, but after a valient effort, his battle and pain is now over.

I had just stepped off of the plane in Kansas City when I returned my mother's message. Not the most pleasant greeting to my Christmas vacation . . . I've been thinking about my dad, his brothers and sisters, my aunt, and my cousins alot, and praying that God holds them tight in His arms to ease their pain. As I contemplated if God was giving each of them the comfort they need in this difficult time, it was made evidently clear to me that, based on my own experiences, there is no doubt in my mind that He is doing just that.

Since I started dating my now fiance, I have lost 3 people in my life. Each time I heard the heartbreaking news, I was hours away from my family, but God gave me the blessing of placing Dan nearby to comfort me. The first, a life-long family friend that I shared most of my childhood vacations with. I was living in St. Louis at the time, and able to leave early from work and head straight to Dan's house. The second, my grandfather. I was at college at the time, 4 1/2 hours from home, but Dan happened to be visiting me that weekend and was sitting next to me when I got the phone call. And today, my Uncle Chuck. I had just met my fiance at the gate when I returned my mother's call.It's amazing how God always puts everything into place.

God is a comforting and loving Father. Even though we are joyful in knowing that our loved ones are finally with Him in heaven, he knows how difficult and painful it is for us to see them go and continue life on earth without them. So here is my moment of clarity: I can guarantee that in each of the situations I mentioned above, I was not the first person that God needed to comfort at the time. If God was taking so much care to place me in situations that would provide cushioning for the grief, he must be taking that much more care of those who are closest to that loved one.

Thank you, Lord, for your unending love and care for your grieving children. Please continue to comfort and hold my family in your arms as we endure the heartache, especially my aunt.

My greatest memories of my uncle: When he, his wife, and another aunt and uncle came to visit me while I studied abroad in Italy. They bought me my first drink of alcohol for my 21st birthday (Italian wine, of course)! The days throughout my life that we would go to Sunday Mass and see Uncle Chuck. It was always a pleasant surprise and gift to see him when he was in town. The times he was goofy and silly; when he was most joyful. When he and my aunt witnessed my baptism an pledged to teach me about Christ. (ok, so I don't remember this, but it is great!)

Uncle Chuck, thank you for your presence in my life, when you knew you were making a difference and when you didn't. We love you and will miss you until we meet again.

For the repose of the soul of Chuck Stack: Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Most faithful God, lively is the courage of those who hope in You. Your servant Chuck suffered greatly, but placed his trust in Your mercy. Confident that the petition of those who mourn pierces the clouds and finds an answer, we beg You, give rest to Chuck. Do not remember his sins, but look upon his sufferings and grant him refreshment, light, and peace. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Isaiah 40:29-31
He gives strength to the weary, and strenght to the powerless . . . They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar as with eagles' wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Blog I'd like to share with the blogging world

A friend from college has an amazing story being told at this blog. I strongly suggest everyone read about her and her husbands little saint. :)

Baby Cronister Updates

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Making progress!

I've gotten so much done lately due to my sisters visiting and helping me cross things off the list! Those that are bold are the most recently accomplished.

My oldest sister and I attempted surfing. I wouldn't say I succeeded, but I did learn how to do it. I'll attempt to actually surf again! We also drove to Malibu and the Santa Monica Promenade. The middle sister came and we crossed of many items! Driving PCH, Santa Barbara, one of the missions, Hearst Castle, and Sequoia National Park! And all of that was in one weekend! :D

Here's the updated list! We're making progress. I'll be going to Disneyland in a few weeks, so that one will soon be crossed off. :)

The California Bucket List

1) Learn to Surf
2) Swim with the Dolphins at Sea World
3) Visit and hike Catalina Island
4) Hollywood
5) Malibu
6) Santa Barbara
7) Dodgers Statium
8) See a movie premeire
9) Hike to the Hollywood sign
10) Stay at Hotel del Coronado
11) Channel Islands
12) Lake Arrowhead
13) Joshua Tree
14) Palm Springs
15) Yosemite
16) Vegas
17) Disneyland
18) Grand Canyon
19) Sequoia National Park
20) Drive Pacific Coast Highway
21) Huntington Library
22) San Francisco
23) The Missions (Fulfilled in Santa Barbara)
24) Kayaking caves at La Jolla
25) Hearst Castle
26) Sailing
27) Death Valley
28) Hollywood Bowl
29) Whale Watching
30) Grunion Runs (with my Dad)
31) San Diego Zoo
32) La Brea Tar Pits
33) The Ghetty Museum
34) Griffith Observatory
35) Universal Studios
36) Santa Monica Pier
37) Eat at Planet Hollywood
38) Venice Boardwalk
39) Santa Monica Promenade
40) Be an extra or in the studio audience of a TV show
41) LA County Museum of Art
42) Pantages Theater
43) Tommy's Burger
44) Canter's Deli
45) Philippe's French Dip Sandwich
46) Fashion District
47) Olvera Street
48) Tijuana
49) Move back to Missouri

Help us Win a Free Honeymoon!

My Fiance and I are trying to win a free honeymoon! Help us get to the top of the comments page and leave a comment! It only takes 30 seconds and we'd really appreciate it! :) Thanks!

http://global.theknot.com/contests/Dream-Resorts-Spas-Contest/Story.aspx?EntryId=6093

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Another Tune for a Tuesday: "Don't Be Afraid" by Pete Buncher

"Don't Be Afraid"
Pete Buncher

Don't be afraid,
I'll hold your hand.
Don't be afraid,
I'll help you stand
For me.

Don't be afraid,
I cast no stones.
And though you may roam,
I'll lead you, I'll lead you home.

I gave my life,
So that you would live with me.
I've broken my body,
So that you may be free.
So come follow me.

Don't be afraid,
I go before you.
This price is paid,
I love you, I'll lead you home.

I gave my life,
So that you would live with me.
I've broken my body,
So that you would be free.
Come follow me.

Don't be afraid,
my voice is in you.
Just walk my way,
I love you, and I'll lead you home.
Oh I love you, and I'll lead you home.

This Tuesday called for a double dose of lyrics! A friend from high school youth group just released his first CD! I'm listening to it for the first time right now, and as this song came on, I was filled with joy. I remember listening to this song a few years back in his college campus house. Who would have know (answer: God) that it would be speaking to me again today!

Download the album on iTunes! And if you're in the St. Louis area, head to his CD release party this Saturday at 6:30 pm at Assumption Parish in SoCo!

Congrats Pete! And thanks for a beautiful album to bless my ears!

A Tune for a Tuesday

"Alive Again"
Matt Maher

I woke up in darkness
Surrounded by silence
Oh where, oh where have I gone?
I woke to reality Losing its grip on me

Oh where, where have I gone?
'Cause I can see the light
Before I see the sunrise
You called and You shouted

Broke through my deafness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
You shattered my darkness

Washed away my blindness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
Late have I loved You
You waited for me, I searched for You

What took me so long?
I was looking outside
As if Love would ever want to hide
I'm finding I was wrong

'Cause I feel the wind
Before it hits my skin
'Cause I want You,
Yes I want You I need You, and I'll do

Whatever I have to just to get through
'Cause I love You,
Yeah I love You

This song is perfectly placed this Tuesday. I just got of off a retreat that I lead this weekend, and though I lead it, it was just as much a retreat for me as it was for those in attendance. I've been living a busy life full of 5 different ministries, a long distance relationship, sister visits, and preparing for the holidays (not to mention the overbearing stress of wedding planning soon to come). In the midst of it all, it became easy for me to put my prayer life on the back burner, and consequently, lose touch with my Lord. I saw it happening and just couldn't figure out how to break out of the cycle.

Thankfully, My Lord "shattered my darkness" and helped me to break through and find him again. I'm determined to stay alive! I've begun my Daily Mass Challenge, determined to make Christ the beginning, middle, and end of each day. The Eucharist is the greatest gift, one that I refuse to leave unopened each day.

Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness even when I am not. Thank you for waiting for me, finding me, and slapping me in the face when I need it. Thank you for a beautiful weekend, a beautiful retreat, and for all of the ways you worked through each person on the retreat. Thank you for the gift of the Eucharist! May I never leave the gift unopened again! :) I love you, Lord!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A Tune for Tuesday: Lessons Learned

A Tribute to Loft 416! :D
Tuesday's Tune: Lessons Learned by Carrie Underwood
Loft 416 Theme Song!

There's some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid
Some starts that had some bitter endings

Been some bad times I've been through
Damage I cannot undo
Some things, I wish I could do all all over again

But it don't really matter, Life gets that much harder
It makes you that much stronger
Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned
But there were Lessons learned

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change life has thrown me
I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made
Some chances I just threw away
Some roads I never should've taken

Been some signs I didn't see
Hearts that I hurt needlessly
Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend

But it don't make no difference
The past can't be rewritten
You get the life you're given
Oh, some pages turned, some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change life has thrown me
I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned,Some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

And all the things that break you
Are all the things that make you strong
You can't change the past, cause it's gone
And you just gotta move on
Because it's all lessons learned

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change life has thrown me
I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned,Some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

Miss you Loft 416!

Miracle Monday: October 19, 1985

Monday's Miracle: My Birth!

Today was my birthday! I should be excited, but it felt just like any other day. I couldn't help but be homesick for the days of waking up to college roommates who decorated and made the day something special. It's a reality that I'm not in college anymore and I will no longer live in the dorms, but I'm finding it difficult to grasp.

I don't expect things to be different now than it currently is, and I'm not complaining! My parents were great today. They called this morning to tell me to go pick up the cake they'd ordered for me. :) I took it to the office where a staff member had made me a cake and the staff had a little party for me at our 3:00 break. My small group leaders had the kids sing happy birthday to me. But even with it all, it just didn't seem like my birthday. I think I'm just getting old.

But in any case, I thought a great first Monday Miracle would be the miracle of Life! :)

On this day, I am thinking of all those in my generation that were not allowed to live long enough for their own birthdays. What a horrible injustice! In this Pro-life Month I pray for a change of heart, an education of those that are ignorant, and for each of us to fight to end the killing of the most innocent of human life!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Saturday's Saint: St. Joseph

I've officially decided that Saturday with be "Saturday's Saint" and Sunday with be "Sunday's Scripture".

So, due to the place St. Joseph has played in my life and relationship, we're going to start with him!

St. Joseph

Patron Saint of: chastity/purity, marriage, fathers, carpenters, engineers, the unborn, families, happy death, house hunters, people in doubt, protector of the Church, social justice, travellers, Universal Church, Vatican II, working people.

St. Joseph is my favorite saint for many reasons. He is a beautiful example of how to follow God's will, even when it is not what you had planned on and when things don't make sense. I cannot truly imagine the position he and his wife were in when they found out about Jesus, but I imagine it was much worse than anyone could imagine today. They beautifully followed God's lead, blindly and faithfully.

St. Joseph protected Mary and Joseph. Can you imagine having to travel such a long distance on a donkey and being 9 months pregnant?! He took care of Mary (and Jesus) and did his best to provide for them. And after all of that commotion, he blindly followed God's command to flee to Egypt at a moments notice!

The Nativity Movie gives a beautiful view of St. Joseph (though I'm not a big fan of how they portrayed Mary). It was after watching that movie that Dan and I officially decided to consecrate our relationship to St. Joseph. What is consecration? The easiest way for me to describe it is as an official declaration that we are asking Him to pray for our relationship continually. And it was through His prayers that I believe we came back together when things went ary (God knows we would not have ended up together if he didn't do something drastic!). The story is amazing, unbelievable, and beautiful! Thank you God and thank you St. Joseph for your constant prayers.

How does St. Joseph play a part in our relationship now?
1) He prays for us
2) We ask him every night to pray for us
3) We will consecrate our marriage to him next year
4) We plan to name our first boy after him
5) He's a great example for us and our soon-to-be family!

Thank you, St. Joseph, for your constant prayers, especially
when Dan and I need it the most. Thank you for your holy
example of a father and husband, and man of God.
Please continue to pray for us as we prepare for marriage!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Reminiscing on days past . . .

Today, I took a trip down memory lane . . . I walked past good times, bad times, the best times, and the worst times.













My first stop was remembering the summer I spent on summer staff at Life Teen camps. I remembered flying into Atlanta and meeting everyone for the first time, waiting for Andrew (our latest arrival) and freaking him out as we bombarded him asking if he was Andrew. I remember David playing a joke on me before I even knew his name. The drive to Tiger was beautiful, and I'll never forget my first view of Covecrest. We were all so excited as we entered the staff cabin and claimed our beds.

I thought of the first week of summer staff training and retreat. I remembered the letter I wrote to me from God. I remember sitting in the garden at Mike's Place allowing God to heal my heart as He helped me to forgive. I remember Doro yelling to turn off alarm clocks, Anna's alarm (It's a Great Day to be Alive), and the packed shower house each day. I remember sleeping until the last minute before walked the peaceful path to the lodge to sing the "Wake Up Song" each morning. I remember praying in the Chapel. I will never forget the first time we walked to the waterfall. It was, and remains, one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.

I remember becoming great friends with some of the most beautiful people I have met, learning from them, and growing with them. I remember girl bonding time in the staff cabin. I remember Sarah's strength, Jennifer's caring heart, Kimberly's determination and ability to get the job done. I remember breaking open Andrew's shy shell and making him dance. I remember Rosko's support and talking with her about life and love, Francis' crazy humor, and Lisa's beautiful pictures. I remember star gazing with Caleb and the girls, the beauty of Sara and Paul's relationship and the hope it brought to me, and Adam's passion for the ministry. I remember Jason's inspiring words, Tina's spunky-ness, and getting to know Anna more than I had at BC. I remember Dot and Nick's maturity. I remember the prayer Holly gave me and David's love for each person he encountered. I remember our Austrians, Ben, Ramund,and Sam, and learning their German phrases. I remember Julie's patience and Katie's joy. I remember doing low ropes with Karyn (and failing to stay straight enough to make it to the end) and her positive attitude. I remember Liz's ability to focus on the task at hand and Doro's carefree excitement. I remember Molly's silliness and Tara's gorgeous smile. I remember Ty being able to make friends with everyone, Bradley being great with the less interested or difficult kids, and Ryan's deep thinking. I remember an amazing summer staff full of wonderful people.

I remember the first day with campers, our crazy pirate rule skit, Ty singing about bears, and talking with David and the campers that came to the "I don't really want to be here" groups. I remembered long days, ropes courses, water games, and snaps. I thought about our staff meetings each night (that just simply couldn't stay focused . . . and progressively got worse), meeting with the Tepeyac staff each evening, Bradley and Francis' crazy tangents of . . . craziness! I remember going "all in", lives being changed, and friends being made. I remember white water rafting with Ryan and popping out of the raft to get an amazing bruise. I remember praying night prayer with Nick and Dot. I remember the mud pit and Andrew and I sacrificing for the kids and jumping in together.

I remember the Tepeyac crew's last night in Georgia, doing laundry with Andrew, talking with Nick and Dot outside the cabins when Nick gave me a passage that would speak to me, watching Ty and Bradley dance to "Carry on my Wayward Son". I remember our last day at Covecrest, Mass, "You'll Never Let Go", group pictures, crying so ridiculously hard, driving away.

I remember the person I was when I arrived not being the person I was when I left. I remember my relationship with God, how he comforted me and took great care of my heart as he nursed it back to health and pieced it back together. I remember letting go. I remember being able to move forward with great excitement for what God's plan was for me. I remember my joy, peace, and acceptance.

I will never forget the two weeks I spent at Covecrest. It was there that my heart was healed and my life was changed.



Words that describe this stop on memory lane: forgiveness, healing, growth, love, friendships, God, blessings, life changing, the best summer of my life

Monday, September 14, 2009

NFP

Yesterday, I started looking at natural family planning . . . I can't believe I'm old enough for this! I mean, i know my driver's license and birth certificate indicate that I'm almost 24 years old, but I still feel like I'm 17. I just can't get into my head that I will actually be married, living with my husband, and planning a family!

For all who don't know or understand what Natural Family Planning (NFP) is, I will briefly explain. According to nfpandmore.org, "NFP is a way of following God’s plan for achieving and/or avoiding pregnancy. It consists of ways to achieve or to avoid pregnancy using the physical means that God has built into human nature." In plain English, it is charting the wife's cycle and signs of fertility in order to know when to "do the marriage dance" (as Chika would say), whether you are trying to get pregnant or avoid getting pregnant. The website also explains that, "Couples seeking to avoid pregnancy practice chaste abstinence during the fertile time of her cycle."

It's mildly amusing to me to see people's reactions when this topic comes up. But it makes SO much sense to me, even without getting into the countless reasons contraception is bad for a woman's body and it's connections with breast cancer. God didn't ask us to live a chaste life until we get married. We are still supposed to be chaste inside of marriage. Marital chastity is just different from single chastity. Lust is a sin, whether it be inside or outside of marriage. The ring that will be on my finger in a little over a year is not my free ticket to as much sex as I want. It is not a free ticket to using my husband as "a means to an end". It is a promise to love and cherish him for the rest of my life. To respect his dignity as a human being. It makes so much sense for God to have planned things the way he did. That there would be times in our married lives that we have to live in abstinence if we are unable to have another child at that time. In that time is when I imagine we will learn the most about respecting and not misusing the gift of sex. It is in that time that the virtue of temperance (moderation) will be strengthened. It is in this marital chastity that I see the most respect for God, his gift of sex, and my husband. I am so excited to embark on this journey!

On that day I will make a covenant with my husband to give ourselves to each other in marriage, to honor each other as man and wife for the rest of our life, and to accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church. I cannot wait for the second gift that comes from sex (the first is bonding), Children! I'm a little terrified of the childbirth process, but I'm excited to start a family!

So, why am we already talking about NFP and babies? Because in order to understand and know my cycle, it takes many months to see the regularity. Ergo, I will soon be charting my cycle, temperature . . . and other stuff daily. :-\ Maybe this will make me feel old and like I am actually getting married! haha. :)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Wednesday's Wardrobe

It's been quite the week since my last post! I have miserably failed to continue my daily reflections . . . ugh. But I have good reason!

The day following my most recent post was very eventful! My boyfriend of 5 years (give or take a bit) proposed! The story is amusing, but rather long. But . . . I figured I'd use this as a perfect "wardrobe" change!














This is it! I am engaged to the man of my dreams! He's wonderful, dorky, sweet, and God's perfect match for me. And this wardrobe change symbolizes alot more than just a change in wardrobe. My whole life from this week on will be focused and planned around this one man.

What a beautiful and complex thought. I'm so eager and excited to start my life with him, the rest of my life! :) This is the best wardrobe change I could ask for! :D

Have a wonderful weekend bloggers! I'll be back again next Tuesday with a Tune!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Food-filled Friday

Fridays will almost certainly not continue to be "food-filled", or at least named as such, but just as Wednesday's wardrobe happened to work out, today being food-filled was fitting!

I love watching "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives" on The Food Network. A few weeks ago, I saw a dive that was nearby. So today, on the first day of my boyfriend's visit, we ate there!


Fab Hot Dogs!

This is me with my Texas Burrito Dog! It was "Fabulous!" It was filled with 2 dogs, chili, cheese, and bacon (without the mustard and onions . . . because I'm picky) wrapped in a tortilla shell.
That's all for now! I know it was late and short, but it's been a busy day, and I'm getting up EARLY for a hike! :D Have a wonderful Saturday!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thoughtful Thursday

I'm not sure Thursday's will stay "thoughtful", but right now, I don't have the time or energy to talk about "travels". So, thoughtful it is!

Thought of the Day:

"Every time that we do something we don't particularly "want" to do, out of our love for God or out of obedience, there is grace. Every time we put others' needs before our own, in humble acts of service, there is grace. Every time we endure hardship for the sake of our vocation, the gospel or Christ's Church, there is grace. ----------- Put simply, truly embracing your vocation means embracing what God wants you to do each day, not what you "feel like" doing. It means putting God first, not yourself."- Mark Hart (aka "The Bible Geek")

I remember the first time I read this. I had a great need to let go of my own desires and embrace The Father's plan. In reading this quote again today, I needed to hear it once again, but for completely different reasons. (and almost the opposite reason . . .)

The first time I read it, I was learning to let go of the future I had planned with someone. I learned to accept and embrace with joy God's plan for me to move wherever he needed me. Now, the lesson I'm constantly trying to allow God to teach me is to be patient and wait for the future I have planned with someone until it is God's time. I need to learn to accept that even though I am not where I want to be, I am where God wants me to be; and since it is where God wants me, I must make it my desire. I must learn to "embrace what God wants of me each day, not what I 'feel like' doing."

Ask anyone close to me and they'll tell you, I have not learned this lesson yet. Patience is my least favorite virtue to work on!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Wednesday's Wardrobe

I'm not sure how long Wednesday will stay a wardrobe day, but since I have actually made a dress recently, I thought I'd go with it! :)

I have had a great desire for new skirts and dresses lately, but since it is so difficult to find dresses that are modest, cute, and in my budget, I decided to put my sewing machine to good use. Sewing is such a theraputic and enjoyable activity for me. I always love the reaction when I say, "Thanks, I made it" when someone compliments my clothes. They are generally shocked that I even know how to sew!

So, this is the first of many dresses/skirts that I plan to make. The fabric is a satiny blue and white floral print. The pattern is fitted at the waist and has an A-line skirt. The process started off on a bumpy road. After pinning the pattern to the fabric, I began to cut. Only one piece into the process, I cut a pretty large chunk of my finger. I took care of this little problem and left the project for a day. The next evening, I got to work.

I started off making a size much larger than needed. It's not very easy to fit a pattern to yourself alone! I tried to make some alterations to make it fit, but it just wasn't working out. So, after sewing the whole dress, I had to rip out the whole thing and start all over. It took quite some time to rip out all of the seams, but thankfully the second round of sewing it went quickly. So, after quite a few hours, one bloody gash, and a few late nights later, the dress was finally finished! It is so comfortable, bright, and fun. It was definitely worth the work. :)

The next project will most likely be the black and white skirt. :)

A Tune for a Tuesday

Being that it is Tuesday, the project begins! :)

SLEEP SONG - Rich Dittus

May your maker grant you peace
Let all your worries disappear
I pray you sleep without tears in your eyes
If you have tears let them be joyful cause your one step closer to heaven
And when you wake a new day breaks
Rejoice and sing

Hold me, Hold me Close to your heart
Hold me, Hold me Close to your heart

All your life you lived to fight to reach heaven
Battles you lost give to the cross and plead forgiveness
But don’t give up, he love you too much

I pray He holds you, holds you close to His heart

The whisper of God contains the answer
If we are quiet enough to hear
You are chosen and I love you
Do not fear
©2005 Rich Dittus

Rich is not only a wonderful singer, songwriter, and musician. He is a man with a beautiful soul and heart for Our Lord. I was blessed to spend a week long staff retreat listening to and learning from this man's example. Though he may have been well known and semi-famous to those in the room, you would not have guessed it from his actions or attitude. It is so beautiful to see a strong model of a humble, holy man of God. After purchasing his CD, this song became my "bedtime song" (another one became my morning song). Thank you, Lord, for the gift you give us through Rich.
http://richdittus.com/

Ideas that kept me awake tonight

I've decided to do a posting for each day of the week. Based on my "teal" tendencies (a leadership style from a high school student council camp quiz) to start things with high hopes and great intentions, but eventually become disorganized and un-dedicated, I will not entertain the illusion that this will be a daily reflection. Regardless of these inclinations, I have made a resolution to do these at least a few times a week!

All of the days have not been decided as of this point, but I feel that God has put this on my heart. So, as he tells them to me, I shall make them known to the blogging world. These are my ideas thus far . . . whether they remain as such is still to be determined.

Sunday: Sunday's Saints - discovering a saint's story (whether "S" or "s", living on earth or in heaven).
Monday: Miracle Monday - I'm not sure of this one. The idea thus far is to find a miracle on Mondays. We'll see if anything else comes up!
Tuesday: A Tune for A Tuesday - This is the day that started the idea! I LOVE lyrics and what music can do for a soul. Thus, I will post lyrics to a meaningful song on Tuesdays.
Wednesday: Wednesday's Wardrobe - Probably the least thought out one thus far. If it stays, I'll report on the clothes I've been sewing, or great modest clothing, or . . . well, I just don't know yet! :)
Thursday: Thoughtful Thursday - or - Thursday's Travels - Thursdays will either be filled with quotes, bible verses, or other thoughts for the day, or by discovering new places I have or would like to travel.
Friday: Food-filled Friday - Another less than thought through idea. Possibly doing a mini "Julie and Julia" blog. Cooking something new for Fridays.
Saturday: Saturday's Strengths and Struggles - or - Saturday Scriptures - . . . looking back on the times I have been weak or strong through the week on Saturdays or reflecting on the readings for Sunday.

Any ideas or suggestions?

Monday, August 24, 2009

The Revised California Bucket List

After many suggestions, I've revised (and doubled) my list! Looks like I better get busy crossing things off. :)

The California Bucket List

1) Learn to Surf
2) Swim with the Dolphins at Sea World
3) Visit and hike Catalina Island
4) Hollywood
5) Malibu
6) Santa Barbara
7) Dodgers Statium
8) See a movie premeire
9) Hike to the Hollywood sign
10) Stay at Hotel del Coronado
11) Channel Islands Planner
12) Lake Arrowhead
13) Joshua Tree
14) Palm Springs
15) Yosemite
16) Vegas
17) Disneyland
18) Grand Canyon
19) Sequoia National Park
20) Drive Pacific Coast Highway
21) Huntington Library
22) San Francisco
23) The Missions
24) Kayaking caves at La Jolla
25) Hearst Castle
26) Sailing
27) Death Valley
28) Hollywood Bowl
29) Whale Watching
30) Grunion Runs (with my Dad)
31) San Diego Zoo
32) La Brea Tar Pits
33) The Ghetty Museum
34) Griffith Observatory
35) Universal Studios
36) Santa Monica Pier
37) Eat at Planet Hollywood
38) Venice Boardwalk
39) Santa Monica Promenade
40) Be an extra or in the studio audience of a TV show
41) LA County Museum of Art
42) Pantages Theater
43) Tommy's Burger
44) Canter's Deli
45) Philippe's French Dip Sandwich
46) Fashion District
47) Olvera Street
48) Tijuana
49) Move back to Missouri

Sunday, August 23, 2009

My California Bucket List

Today, I decided to make a California bucket list. Hopefully it will help me to make the most of my time here. It will all be recorded on this blog. :) Here goes!

The California Bucket List

1) Learn to Surf
2) Swim with the Dolphins
3) Visit and hike Catalina Island
4) Hollywood
5) Malibu
6) Santa Barbara
7) Dodgers Statium
8) See a movie premeire
9) Hike to the Hollywood sign
10) Stay at Hotel del Coronado
11) Channel Islands Planner
12) Lake Arrowhead
13) Joshua Tree
14) Palm Springs
15) Yosemite
16) Vegas
17) Disneyland
18) Grand Canyon
19) Sequoia National Park
20) Drive Pacific Coast Highway
21) Huntington Library
22) San Francisco
23) The Missions

Friday, August 21, 2009

letting it out

Today, I've decided I won't be insightful or optimistic. For whatever reason, I'm just not in a good mood. I feel like I'm consistently trying to stay afloat, do my best, and keep a joyful attitude, but quite frankly, I am sick of swimming. I just want to give up for a while. There's a great deal to be said for summer vacations . . . I wish the whole world took summer vacation. I miss the days that I could do something totally different for 2 or 3 months of my life and take my mind off of my normal life to regroup and gear up for another round. Those days are over . . . and the more and more I enter into the "big kid life" the more I miss college, my friends, and my community.

It's funny, the normal me would be positive right now. She'd keep her chin up, know God has her in a place for a reason, and knows that she can be happy no matter where God has her. But it seems that it is more and more difficult to keep my head up. Day by day, I wonder where that girl is. Where is the normal me? The positive me? I've been trying to keep my head up, to put on a happy face for people. Because when people ask how life is going for me, they want to hear that things are great. But the truth is, I hate being away from my boyfriend. I really don't like California that much. And my job, well, it's not what I expected.

So . . . that's that. I said it. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, but as of now, I'd love nothing more than to be living back in the loft with the girls.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Do not deprive yourself of something so advantageous . . .

Today, this was the reading we had at a woman's prayer/study group I attended. And man, this surely kicked my butt! The things I considered most important I made bold. Read it, think about it, and amend your life as needed! May we all learn to spend quiet time reflecting on GOD! :)

The Imitation of Mary: Chapter 4, pg 110,
NECESSITY & ADANTAGES OF MEDITATION

♥ The Believer

O Cave of Bethlehem, let me experience what Mary felt when the shepherds came to adore Jesus in the manger! Or rather, do you yourself, Virgin Mother, show me the thoughts and feelings that were in your heart at that moment.


♥ Mary

My child, the deeply moving sight of God become an infant, in a manger, and wrapped in poor rags was for me a wide and inexhaustibly deep theme for my reflection. I could never weary of meditating on that great mystery. What I saw and heard was forever written in my heart and affected me profoundly. Even more than the shepherds did I wonder at the great things that were taking place; all the powers of my soul were concentrated on them. Countless tender affections sprang continuously from my heart, and I never ceased my praise and blessing of Almighty God.

My child, if you want a deeper understanding of the mysteries of faith you must take them seriously and meditate attentively on them.

Many Christians have but a weak faith because they neglect to nourish and strengthen it through meditation. The world is filled with so much crime and disorder, and the forgetfulness of the eternal truths is the reason for it. By meditating often on the perfections of God and the nothingness of things human the saints achieved detachment from creatures and were able to concentrate their affections on the Creator. Through this holy exercise they learned to value only what is great and valuable in God's eyes and their hearts were set on fire with a holy love that sought to lose itself in the bosom of God.

Therefore, let no day pass without feeding your soul on some salutary truth. That is how to learn the science of the saints. Do not excuse yourself with the claims that you have no time for meditation. What you lack is the will, not the time.

You have only one important business in life: to save your soul. Should you not think about it everyday?

You always find time to think seriously about the transitory business of this world. And yet there are no concerns closer to you or of greater importance to you than those of eternity.

Do not excuse yourself by saying you cannot meditate. You are quite able to reflect on countless matters of pure curiosity. Can you really claim that you are unable to think when it comes to reflecting on the great mysteries of faith and eternity? Admit rather that you have no great love for the Lord; admit that you are ungrateful. My child, your life will always be well ordered if you examine yourself daily in the presence of God and if you are what you ought to be in His sight.

Death will surely not take you by surprise if you learn each day how to die well. Spend just a quarter of an hour each day meditating before the altar or your crucifix on the greatness, mercy, threats, and promises of the Lord, and you will acquire a knowledge infinitely superior to that of all the philosophers whose works teach everything but the knowledge of eternal salvation.

Of what use is it for a man to have stocked in his mind with all the knowledge the world regards as practical and worthwhile if he lacks the knowledge the saints had, the knowledge that made them saints? You do not become virtuous simply by desiring it; you must seriously study and learn the means of becoming virtuous.

Never weary of asking Jesus for the grace to overcome your repugnance to an exercise from which the devil would gladly dissuade you, knowing as he does how important it is to you.

Do not deprive yourself of something so advantageous not only for yourself but for those who will be more especially entrusted to your care.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Those less fortunate

I'm staying in Chicago this week, and this morning, I got up around 6:30 am to take a stroll around the area. The Starbucks I discovered seemed a wonderful place to grab breakfast before I headed back to my room to get ready for the day. As I approached the door, a man standing outside asked me something about the homeless. Being accustomed to saying no to anyone standing on the street (especially near store doors), I immediately said, "No thank you" without even knowing what he asked. As I opened the door, he said, "a sandwich would be mighty nice."

That's when it hit me. It wasn't until then that I actually chose to see him this time. As I entered the door, I glanced back at a man with a dirty trash bag ripped down the side enough to see an old sleeping bag. He was holding a cup of coffee (likely from a kind soul that had entered before me).

I entered the shop and stood in line, and as I stood there, I thought, how dare I not spend a few dollars to help him out. Here I am walking to a Starbucks for breakfast (when breakfast is offered to me free back at the dorm), and I can't even give him something to eat? Wouldn't those few dollars be much better spent helping someone who is struggling than anything else I planned to spend it on? Thankfully, by the time I heard "next" I had decided to get him whatever I was getting myself, he deserved nothing less than what I was feeding myself (if not more). When I handed him the small amount for breakfast, he voiced that he was "mighty thankful" and told me to have a good day. May God bless that man today and always.

As I contemplated on the walk back to my room, I thought of how many other times I pass someone like him and keep walking. It's not like he was asking me to solve all his problems, he just asked for something to eat. How dare I consider feeding myself while he is hungry. So many times, we think someone else will do it. Today, standing in line, I thought, "who else is going to do it? I'm a youth minister, and I'm contemplating whether or not to help him."

Today, I challenge myself and anyone else reading this to help those around you. Put non-perishable food items in your trunk for the times you'll see some who needs help. Keep an extra blanket in your car to help keep him a little warmer each night as he lays on the street to sleep. It doesn't matter how they got there! The fact is they are there, and they need our help.

May God speak to our hearts when we see his children in need . . . and may we be willing to hear Him.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Corpus Christi

Hebrews 9:11-15

Brothers and sisters:
When Christ came as high priest
of the good things that have come to be,
passing through the greater and more perfect tabernacle
not made by hands, that is, not belonging to this creation,
he entered once for all into the sanctuary,
not with the blood of goats and calves
but with his own blood, thus obtaining eternal redemption.
For if the blood of goats and bulls
and the sprinkling of a heifer's ashes
can sanctify those who are defiled
so that their flesh is cleansed,
how much more will the blood of Christ,
who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God,
cleanse our consciences from dead works
to worship the living God.

For this reason he is mediator of a new covenant:
since a death has taken place for deliverance
from transgressions under the first covenant,
those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance.


Today is the Feast of Corpus Christi (the Body of Christ). And as I listened to this, the second reading of today's Mass, I felt renewed by the new covenant. What stuck out to me the most this time around, was: "how much more will the blood of Christ . . . cleanse our consciences from dead works to worship the living God." Think about that. What are those dead works that must be cleansed from our conscience in order to worship the living God? Today, those dead works were my own sins. Sins I must allow Christ's blood to wash from my conscience, in order that I might fully follow God.

As I contemplated leaving those sins behind, I thought a lesson from this past semester. My youth group and I journeyed to heaven together. Our class topics were about having "Jesus as the Compass" of our lives, serving others, praying, evangelizing to our friends and family, and other things that lead us to Heaven. At the end of the year, many of the kids said their favorite topic was "the suitcase one". The "suitcase one" was a class on sin. In our skit, the girl was trying to take multiple enormous suitcases through security check, onto her plane. She was faced with the decision to either leave those suitcases behind (that she just didn't think she could let go of) or not get on the plane. Our discussion following the skit compared those suitcases to the sins we carry around in our lives. We can accumulate those suitcases by the picking them up in the first place (committing the sin) and by keeping them with us (not asking for forgiveness, not forgiving ourselves, and holding on to them).

At the end of our classes, I asked the kids to write on a piece of paper what they needed to leave behind in order to get on that plane, to follow Christ, to go to Heaven. I took the enormous suitcase (it was HUGE) and laid it open in the front of the room, with a crucifix inside. I challenged the kids to let go of those sins that they needed to eliminate or let go of in their lives. As music was played, I asked that when the kids were ready, that they individually went to place their paper in the suitcase, and say "God, it's me __________, and I'm letting ___________ go and giving it to you."

As I reflect today on what I must leave behind, what "dead works" I need to be cleansed of, I feel renewed by the blood of the new covenant, Christ's blood. I pray that my past sins may truly be dead works. It is through the shedding of His blood that we are cleansed of our sins. And praise the Lord for that!

Today's challenge: Allow my conscience to be cleansed of my dead works so that I may fully worship My Lord!

Happy Feast of Corpus Christi! :D

Monday, May 25, 2009

As the Church, So Let Wives; As Christ, So Husbands

I found an archive of Amanda blogs from my old myspace from years ago, but thought it would be fun to share one here. Many are from my semester studying abroad and has too much personal information to be sharing on the internet. But this one, I think, is one that may be worth sharing:


April 19, 2006

I spent alot of time today contemplating why so many girls don't respect themselves and allow themselves to be disrespected in relationships. I started thinking while watching Dr. Phil (I know, but I was bored!), but then I moved on into deaper reasons. Why? Girls, why do you lack self-confidence and self-worth? Why do you desire to feel loved so much that you're willing to do anything to get that counterfeit? Why do you settle for what our world tells us "love is" and lower the beaty of sex to a simple act of self gratification? Why does a guy have to want you physically for you to feel beautiful? Is it because you were abused (as 1/3 to 1/2 of women are)? Why do women look for what they think is "love" in all the wrong places and settle for the counterfeit of true love?

I continue my thought into my study of John Paul II's Theology of the Body. What an amazing man JPII the Great was! Women, we're not meant to be in these situations! Men are supposed to love us, not dominate us! And we're meant to love and protect them in return! Not use our bodies and manipulate their weaknesses! Christopher West, in his study of JPII's T.O.B., looks at the verse from Eph. 5 and breaks up the word submission:Sub means under; mission means you are sent with authority to perform a particular service. St. Paul is calling the wife to put herself under the mission of the husband. The mission of the husband is layed out in the next verse: Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph. 5:25). Christ came into the world not to be served but to serve and to lay down His life for His bride. In this passage, St. Paul means to tell women to allow their husbands to serve them. The love to which St Paul calls husbands clearly excludes every kind of subjection whereby the wife might become a servant or a slave of the husband, an object of unilateral domination. Love makes the husband simultaneously subject to the wife and thereby to the Lord Himself, just as the wife to the husband (Thelology of the Body).the Husband is above all he who loves, and the wife, on the other hand is she who is loved. John Paul then concludes that the wifes submission to her husband, understood in the context of the entire passage. . ., signifies above all the experience of love.

Girls, we shouldn't be settling for the counterfeit! We should respect ourselves. We're not sexual objects and our bodies are beautiful temples of God! We shouldn't desecrate this temple, nor the bodies of men! You, as a woman, are BEAUTIFUL! You are worth more than this counterfeit love! Don't treat your body with disrespect, and don't allow anyone else to either. You ARE Loved! By your holy Father and Jesus Christ! You don't need to be in a relationship (especially one of counterfeit love) to be loved or beautiful.

Please, repsect yourself, demand respect for yourself, and never settle for the counterfeit! Turn to the love of Jesus Christ who died for you, and never settle for less than a man that fits Ephesians 5! One who will love you as Christ loved the Church; who gave himself up for her . . . that she might be holy and without blemish." THAT'S not a counterfeit!

Believe that dreams come true every day . . . because they do.

"Take a look at yourself in a mirror. Who do you see looking back?
Is it the person you want to be?
Or is there someone else you were meant to be. The person you should have been, but fell short of.
Is someone telling you you can't or you wont? Because you can.
Believe that love is out there.
Believe that dreams come true every day . . . because they do.
Sometimes, happiness doesn't come from money, or fame, or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family, and from the quiet nobility of leading a good life.
Believe that dreams come true every day . . . because they do.
So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy, because you deserve to be. Believe that.
And believe that dreams come true everyday . . . because they do."

One Tree Hill - Season 6 Finale


One Tree Hill is one of the two TV shows I faithfully watch each week, and after catching up on the season finale tonight, I was inspired and impressed by the above words, the last words of the episode. Am I the person I want to be, or am I falling short of who God meant me to be? I am inspired to believe that I can do what I am meant to do, and that my dreams will come true. I am reminded that happiness come from leading the life God is calling me to live.

So, here's to summer, becoming the person God is calling us to be, and making dreams come true!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Remain

1 John 4:7-21

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.

This is how we know that we remain in him and he in us, that he has given us of his Spirit. Moreover, we have seen and testify that the Father sent his Son as savior of the world. Whoever acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God remains in him and he in God. We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him. In this is love brought to perfection among us, that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

This past Sunday, the 2nd reading consisted in this passage. As I sat listening in my pew, I smiled with joy at the reading. This is the passage I picked for my senior seminar paper and project. Let me start by expressing how beautiful the Word of God is! It is so old and has so much history (much of which must be learned in order to understand the meaning of the passages), and yet, it is the Living Word. It means something today. God speaks to you through each word read, many times in a new way each time it is read.

This was my experience on Sunday. I studied this passage extensively just last year. Spending hours upon hours studying the words and their meaning, what Pope Benedict, St. Augustine, and others had written about it, and anything else I could find about the passage. I spent hours comparing everything, and learning just how many layers of beautiful meaning were held in the words. And yet, much to my surprise, the passage I knew so well spoke to me in a brand new way. What stuck out this time: Remain: "God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him."

It has been a struggle for me lately to stay constant in my relationship with God: To set aside that time dedicated soley to Him in prayer, to sacrifice my desired sleeping schedule in order to attend daily mass each morning, to be a woman of constant prayer and service to Him. And Sunday, as I sat listening to His Words, it was clear to me that this is what he wanted me to hear.

Remain . . . remain in love . . . remain in Him.

Remain: to stay; to continue to be in a place; to be in existence or in a certain state for an indefinitely long time.
Remain: abide, be left, cling, continue, dwell, endure, go on, hold on, hold out, inhabit, keep on, last, live, lodge, make camp, nest, outlast, outlive, persist, prevail, remain standing, reside, rest, sit tight, stand, stay, stay put, stick around, survive, wait.

Each of these words has a beautiful meaning of remaining in Him. To remain in God, we must abide by Him, be left in Him, cling to Him, continue with Him, dwell in Him. We must hold on, endure, last, persist, prevail, reside, stay. We must remain constant. Constantly remaining with Him in each moment of each day of our lives. We cannot: depart, forge, go, leave, or move. We cannot be flakey with God. We cannot only go to Him when we are in trouble, we cannot only spend time with Him when it is convenient, we cannot live with God as simply a part of our lives. He must BE our life. He must be where we dwell, where we lodge, where we make camp, nest, reside.

Today, as I reflect on what God is revealing to me through this passage, I see ever more clearly that one is either moving toward or away from Christ. There is no standing still. And if it seems that one is standing still, it is most likely that they are drifting away from Christ. I see that He is challenging me to remain in Him when things are difficult, remain in Him when I am tempted, remain in Him when I am tired, remain in Him when I am scared, remain in Him when I am am restless, and remain in Him when I am lazy. I see that He is callling me to consistently remain in Him.

"God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him."

"Are you saved?"

Many times, I have been asked "Are you saved?" To a Catholic, this question does not make much sense. I'm not dead yet, I'm not in heaven yet, how can I be "saved"? The best answer to this is: I have been saved, I am saved, and I will be saved. It's a continual process that is not complete until death. It is not a one time decision to "accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior". Proclaiming these words and making this decision does not miraculously "save" you. It's only the start of the journey. "Accepting Jesus" is a constant decision. It's a decision one makes every day, every moment. We are constantly presented with the choice to love Christ, or to love the world; to accept Him, or to reject Him; to remain in Him, or to depart from Him. At every single decision in our life, we have the opportunity to stay with Christ or to leave Him. And at each of these decisions, I choose to be "saved", or not to be "saved".

Monday, May 4, 2009

For your nearness Lord I long

For your nearness Lord I hunger
For your nearness Lord I wait
Hold me ever closer Father
Such a love I can't escape

For your nearness I am hoping
For your nearness Lord I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

In your nearness there is healing
What was broken now made whole
Restoration in it's fullness
Lasting hope for all who come

In your nearness I take shelter
Where you are is where I'm home
I have need of only one thing
To be here before your throne
To be here before you throne

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

And keep me here, keep me here
There's nowhere else I rather be
So keep me here, keep me here
There's nowhere else I rather be
There's nowhere else I rather be

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer my Lord

- Meredith Andrews "Draw Me Nearer"



A beautiful song I heard today that I thought I'd share!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Ave Maria

"I guess I have forgiven myself. Although sometimes in the night my dreams will take me back to sadness, and I have to wake up and forgive again. But Mary is always there. I feel her at unexpected moments. She will suddenly rise, and when she does, she does not go up into the sky, but further inside of me."
- The Secret Life of Bees


In reflecting on how the second part of the Secret Life of Bees quote inspired me, I thought it pretty "coincidental" that the month of May is the "Month of Mary" in the Catholic world. And in light of Mother's Day, I thought it appropriate to explore the influence of Our Blessed Mother.

Many people do not understand the Catholic belief of Mary, mostly out of ignorance. I remember the first time I was asked about this. The setting was 7th grade health class. A fellow classmate informing me that I "worshiped Mary" and insisted this to be true even after I corrected that I, in fact, did not worship the Mother of Our Lord. Let me be clear, I do not expect anyone who is not Catholic that reads this blog to necessarily believe what I believe, but to learn the reasons why and understand.

For me, Mary, "the mother of my Lord" as Elizabeth addressed her, is the perfect example of joyful obedience to the Lord's will. There are many times in our lives when we have our own plan, and more often than not, those plans for me do not end up being the same as Our Lords. Often when I am learning to follow a path I had not planned, I think of Mary's selfless "yes". She truly had an "unplanned pregnancy" and gave up her life for her Son.

Many people have asked why I "pray to Mary". Allow me to be clear in this, in "praying" to Mary, there is never any worship of her, or belief that she is God, or anything close to it.

It may be beneficial to start at the bottom here: saints in general. The easiest way for me to explain the Saints is to explain the interaction between the members of the body of the Church. When our loved ones enter heaven, they are still part of the body of Christ, but more perfected as they are no longer affected by sin and the things of this world. Just as I would ask my friend to pray for me, I also ask saints to pray for me. And why might their prayers be more beneficial than my brothers and sisters still on earth? Simple, they are fully with God now. Their prayers are unified with his will, and without sin to affect them, they are able to purely pray, knowing better than those on earth what I need. In the same way that I would probably ask my minister or friend that has a strong faith to pray for me over someone who is not as close to our Lord, it makes sense to ask those who are fully in the presence of God over those still on earth.

All souls in heaven are saints, and some have been confidently declared to be in heaven. These Saints are often deamed "patron" of something (teachers, struggling marriages, mothers, lost souls, etc.). In these cases, while that Saint was on earth, he or she dealt with the same circumstances, and lived through them successfully following Our Lord. They are an example for us (just as Michael Phelps may be an example for swimmers). So, as a youth minister, I may look to both youth ministers I respect here on earth for an example, along with someone like Saint John Bosco, patron of youth, who also worked with youth.

Not only are these patron saints a good example of their particular areas, they are also one to ask for prayers. It would be fitting to ask a parent who has lost a child to pray for someone else who has lost a child. Someone who has had that experience has a much better idea of what heartache and struggle consists in losing a child. Their prayers will be much more direct to the needs of that person, as they have experienced those struggles and know what details to pray about. In the same way, a mother with a rebellious child might ask St. Monica for prayers.

In all of this, I hope I have been clear that these are simply our "champions of the faith", those who have finished the race and fought the good fight. Those who have endured life as we are, who have experienced what we are experiencing. Those who can pray for us without the influence of this world and with knowledge of our circumstances.

Now, back to Mary. All of this works in the same way with Mary. However, Mary is Jesus' mother and obviously very close to her Son. When Elizabeth addressed her as "mother of my Lord", this meant more than what it may mean today. "Mother of my Lord" was the title for the queen, the mother of the king. And as a brief history lesson, if someone had a request, they would not go directly to the king. They would place their petition before the queen, who would then take it before the king. She was their "intercessor". This is where we get the idea of intercessions. It is not that we cannot pray directly to God, it's just like another avenue (just as asking friends to join in prayer for you strengthens your prayer). And Mary, as Jesus' mother, is clearly closest to her Son. She brings our needs to His feet, just as we do.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus." - The first half is the words spoken to Mary by the Angel Gabriel (Luke 1:28-35). The second half those spoken by Elizabeth (Luke 1:42-48).

"Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen." - Acknowledging Mary's position as holy and mother of Jesus, and asking her to pray for us.

In my personal experience, Mary has been a beautiful example to me of joyful obedience, the most beautiful example of the patient and loving mother and wife I desire to be, and a woman that has endured the greatest heartache in watching her Son scoured and crucified.


I pray that these explanations have been helpful in understanding Catholic beliefs!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

You Have Not Lost Me

How long will this take
How much can I go through
My heart, my soul aches
I don`t know what to do
I bend but don`t break
And somehow I`ll get through
Cause I have you

And if I have to crawl
Will you crawl too?
I stumble and fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all is you
See me through

Oh Lord where are you
Do not forget me here
I cry in silence
Can you not see my tears
When all have left
And hope has disappeared
You find me here

When everything I am is lost
I have forgot but you have not
When I am lost you have not lost me
You have not lost me

- Superchick - "Crawl (Carry Me Through)"


It seems that no matter what Superchick comes up with these days, they always have wonderful lyrics.

For no particular reason, it was comforting to hear and remember today that when I feel lost, He has not lost me. He is indeed there, walking, or crawling, with me whenever I stumble. And no matter how clueless I am to the direction we're going, He is not lost, He knows exactly where this journey is headed.

Lord, thank you for your comforting presence, especially when I feel lost, tired, or scared. When I am crying, thank you for giving me your shoulder. When I am lost, thank you for showing me the way. When I am tired and don't feel like I can go on, thank you for carrying me. When I am scared, thank you for holding my hand. Thank you for being by my side, at every moment of my life. As we continue on this journey, please continue to guide me through the difficult times and lead me to Heaven. Amen.

St. Anthony, patron of lost things, pray for us.

"We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures;
we are the sum of the Father's love for us and our
real capacity to become the image of His Son."
- Pope John Paul II - WYD 2002

Thursday, April 23, 2009

. . . and I have to wake up and forgive again.

"I guess I have forgiven myself. Although sometimes in the night my dreams will take me back to sadness, and I have to wake up and forgive again. But Mary is always there. I feel her at unexpected moments. She will suddenly rise, and when she does, she does not go up into the sky, but further inside of me."
- The Secret Life of Bees


I just finished watching this movie. The main character writes this at the end, and I found it really beautiful. If you have not seen it, first, I suggest you do, and second, I'm sure the quote will make no sense, but it inspired me in two different ways. Only the first will be explored tonight. :)

I too have learned a few lessons in forgiveness in my life. And though I have healed and forgiven, my dreams sometimes take me back, "and I have to wake up and forgive again." What a beautiful thought. . . .

In my study of grief throughout my college days, I learned both from the books and my own life experience that healing and forgiveness are not one time things. Forgiveness, healing, growth . . . they're not doors we pass through or lines we cross, they're journeys that may be long or short, a walk in the park or a hike up a mountain. We go through the cycle over and over, healing more and more each time. Much like sending your clothes many times through the washer's cycles, getting a little cleaner each time; like applying ointment to a wound as it slowly heals. forgiveness, healing is a process.

What is the ointment to be applied? I discussed recently with a friend what it takes to truly forgive. And as I contemplated the point in which one can truly say the journey of forgiveness has been completed, I realized that only recently I had reached that point with someone from my past, someone that I had been hurt by. Though I had been "over" what had happened years ago, I had not put much of an effort into acknowledging the person, or showing any love. This past week was the first time I had talked to them in quite a while, and I was truly happy for their happiness and able to give love. As I contemplated the situation yesterday, I concluded that I had built up resentment due to my feeling entitled from being hurt. It was not until last week that I truly forgave. I realized that until one can truly love that person, truly want the best for them, truly be happy for them (regardless of how that person feels about what happened), the journey of forgiveness has not yet been completed. Love is the ointment that heals the wound.

I'm understanding (even as I type) in a new and unexpected way the love that Christ has for His Church. The love of the Cross. I started one of my own journeys of forgiveness just over 2 years ago, during Holy week. And as my heart broke I remember tears falling as I prayed, "Jesus, I've never felt more like I was on the Cross with you than I do right now. And yet, it is nothing in comparison. You felt this same heartache, but you felt it multiplied for each person on this earth, multiplied by each time they have turned away and hurt you."

Each time I hurt my Lord, each time I choose other things over Him, he feels that same heartache. And yet, he still loves me selflessly, truly desiring the best for me, absolutely no resentment. Jesus is the most beautiful example of forgiveness. He is our litmus test. Are we willing to die for the person that hurt us so badly? . . . If not, our journey of forgiveness is not yet complete.

"All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us . . ."
Ephesians 4:31-5:2

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Present Moments

Inspired by my big sis, I have decided to start a blog. It will not be profound and may never be read, but it will be an opportunity to process the "present moments" of my life's journey. And so, this chapter of my journey begins!