Rooted!

Praise be to God! What a wonderful and beautiful weekend!

I just returned from Steubenville Mid-America (week 2). I hadn't been to the youth conference since I was an intern in 2006, but I'd gone three times prior to that as a teen and Young Apostle. It was such a blessing to see so many of those in my youth ministry family that I hadn't seen for quite some time. It always warms my heart to see those that were a huge part of making me who I am today. In particular to see Greg, my own youth minister, and those that attended the youth group I drove 90 miles to experience in high school. It says alot about a youth minister when years later, so many of his teens are leading groups to the same conference, working with the conference staff, sporting a sister's habit, or playing music for the weekend. I counted more than 10 of us serving the youth of Our Church at this conference.

You want to know a secret? . . . God has a plan . . . yes, I know you already knew that, and it's no secret, haha. But isn't it wonderful to see it in action? It is a great joy to see in retrospect how beautifully that tapestry is woven. This weekend, I didn't see his plan, but I learned in a renewed way how to trust in it.

I will soon be returning to youth ministry, and I couldn't be more thankful and happy that the current chapter of my life will soon be finished. It was a hard one, but I must say, it has made me appreciate the gift it is to lead teens closer to Christ. It's not a chapter I'd wish to re-live, but I appreciate the lessons learned. However, there are some apprehensions and fears as I turn the pages to the next chapter.

At the conference this weekend, God gave me the understanding and graces I need to not see his will, but trust in it. Three things in particular stood out: 

1) Matthew 14:23-33 was a constant focus throughout the weekend. Christ again reassured me that if I keep my eyes on Him and not the storm, that I will be able to come out on top, not sinking because of fears.
2) That I've "still got it". Yes, this seems ridiculous, but after being away from ministry for months, I feared I may not be easily liked by the teens anymore. Praise God for the many teens I encountered this weekend that allowed me to minister to them in each small way!
3) God showed me that I could face whatever situation I walk into at my new parish by showing me the example of my own youth minister's "success". It seemed that no matter where I sat in the arena, I could see him. And what I saw was a man praising Our Lord with his teens. I am confident that he was praying for them during these times. I saw a man who's heart was wrapped in the heart of Christ. A man that understands that it is impossible to lead teens to Christ without a strong and constant prayer life. I saw teens that loved him because he taught them truth, and teens turned Core members because of the love of Christ they learned from the ministry. Most of all, I saw the faces of leaders throughout the crowd that had been changed by Christ through Greg. That is the kind of minister I want to be. That is the kind of youth minister God needs me to be. And as I take up this yoke, I know He will be there to help me and give me strength along the way.  

May we all be "ROOTED" in His love! So that when the storms come, our foundation will be strong!

A Tune for a Tuesday - See you in the Eucharist

The Beginning of the End . . .

Today, I said goodbye to my kids at the EDGE. And in keeping with my norm, I cried at both sessions when I gave my final words. I haven't really quite realized that I will not see them next week . . . likely, I will not see most of them again in our earthly life. I've always loved meeting new people, but I've always hated goodbyes . . .

After our party, the EDGE Core worked hard to clean up and put all of our props from the year back in storage. As the Core headed out the door, I walked back to our meeting room. It looked as though no one had even been there. As I turned to hit the lights, I stopped and looked around, taking that moment to reflect on my time here.

These past few months have been a whirlwind. I have been so busy and so stressed, that it has been hard to even notice the time passing. I knew then that I'd get to this point and be disappointed that I hadn't spent more time enjoying the moment. And there I stood tonight, thinking just that. That I couldn't believe it was already over. I wish I could have spent another year ministering to those kids, leading them to Christ and making more improvements for their program . . . but that's not what God has called me to . . . thy will be done, Lord.

As I move on to the next chapter in my life, I thank God for bringing me here. I would never take back the two years I've spent here. These kids will always hold a special place in my heart, and this parish family will always be a home to me.

Thank you to all those who have been a part of making my time in California a wonderful experience. For welcoming me in and making me a part of this community. I will miss you all dearly. I will undoubtedly be back to visit soon, but until then, "I will see you in the Eucharist".

I will meet you at the table
I will meet you in His heart
In the company of angels
In the place where all things start
We receive each other's presence
We are all made one in Him
Though I cannot see your face
I will see you in the Eucharist

Come and meet me at the table
Come and meet me in His heart
We'll be singing with the angels
Each man playing his own part
In the symphony of praises
We will join our song with His
Though I cannot hear your voice
We'll be speaking in the Eucharist

Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid

When we gather at the table
We are closer than our breath
Even nearer than the angels
When we touch His very flesh
Dwelling in each other's presence
I will hold you close inside
Every soul in heaven and earth
Now is present in the Body of Christ

Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are headed for the throne
Carried on the wings of angels
Oh we do not walk alone
All our prayers we lay before Him
And His grace will pave the way
To lead us to our one true home
Where we'll see each other face to face

And do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid

I will meet you
I will hear you
I will hold you
I will receive you
I will see you in the Eucharist

Danielle Rose - See You in the Eucharist

Forget what’s behind and where I’ve been . . .

Today, I was especially troubled with unpleasant memories. Most days, I'm completely fine, but once in a while, this particular situation creeps up and catches me off-guard with memories of the past. Sometimes, I wish I was like God more. Well, of course we all wish that, but I particularly wish that I could really forget the past. Now, I know that God is all knowing, and doesn't truly "forget" things, but that He forgives us more fully than we can imagine. When we forgive, it is near impossible for us to fully forgive because of our sinful nature. But when God forgives, He forgives so richly that He does not think of us or treat us as though what we did happened. I'm not sure if I'm making a whole lot of sense here . . . I'll try to clarify.

Because we are human, it is extremely difficult for us to truly forgive. We may no longer harbor angry feelings at someone, but rarely do we treat them as though it never happened. If someone slaps you in the face, you may forgive them, but chances are you're going to be a bit apprehensive when that person moves their hand upward around you again. When someone betrays your trust, you may forgive them, but likely you don't trust them immediately, and maybe you will never fully trust that person again. All this, is because we are human. We can forgive and love someone who has hurt us, but it is a nearly impossible task for us to "forget" what happened, that is, think of them, treat them, and feel toward them as though your trust was never broken in the first place.

God, on the other hand, has that ability. God, in His infinite goodness and love, fully forgives us when we turn our backs on Him. He does not harbor any resentment toward us because of what we have done, nor does he think any less of us for betraying him. He does not love us any less, care for us any less, or hope in us any less. When He forgives us, it is as though He does not remember what we did, because He does not act the way we do when we remember how someone hurt us.

So today, as I was wishing I could "forget" as Our Lord does, the CD in my car played this song:

Yesterday has come, and that day is gone
But I can’t say I’m proud with what went on
So I’ll start again, ‘cause I want to win
Forget what’s behind and where I’ve been

Goodbye, Loneliness, goodbye tears
Goodbye yesterday and all those wasted years

I press on, always forward, on
I have set my eyes on the horizon
I press on, God lead me on I don’t
want to stop ‘til I get to heaven

I hope the time is near, cause I keep failing here
But I will not lose if I persevere
Yeah, these blows of God, they are blows of love
They may knock me down, but I get back up

Goodbye, Loneliness, goodbye tears
Goodbye yesterday and all those wasted years

I press on, always forward, on
I have set my eyes on the horizon
I press on, God lead me on
I don’t want to stop ‘til I get to heaven

- Joel Stein (Press On)

It is my prayer today, and all days when the past is something that is hard for me to "forget", that I will become more like God. That I will forgive more perfectly, love more deeply, and "forget" more completely. I pray that I can entirely trust those who I forgive. And as I contemplate the difficulty to forgive as God does, I realize more fully the omnipotence of God's forgiveness, and the imperfectness of ours. I thank God for his infinite ability to love and forgive perfectly. For giving His Son to pay for my sins. And I "press on, always forward, on" and strive to "forget what's behind and where I've been".

A Tune for a Tuesday - Your Bride

Here I am - I offer you my hand.
The hour has arrived to celebrate our wedding feast.
And I know this was the Father's plan.
I was born to live for you were born to die for me.

Walking down the aisle I long to come to thee.
You are waiting there to marry me.
Walking down the aisle I long to come receive.
Your body, blood, soul, and divinity.

I am your bride,
I am one with my Beloved crucified.
As you offer me your body, I offer you my life
Now and always, I am yours -
I am your bride.

As you lift the veil before my eyes,
You gaze into my soul and say, "Beloved, you are mine."
And I know you take me as I am,
Loving me with all my sin you take me by the hand.

In my vows to you and yours to me,
Our covenant declared eternally,
Laying down our lives we consummate our love.
I cleave to you and to the cross.

This one is at last bone of my bones.
United as one flesh, our love becomes a home,
Where every child is welcome in our love's embrace.
Their lives reveal their Father's face.

Your Bride - Danielle Rose

This song was like buried treasure for me. I found it through an internet search. I've known Danielle Rose for years, but had not heard this album yet. My priest, and officiant of our wedding, told me to listen to "Holy Family" (a song I included in my previous post about St. Joseph). When searched for that song, I found "Your Bride" on the same album. This song has some of the most beautiful lyrics about Christ and the Church. Written about her entry into a religious order, this song has so many meanings!

It's a picture of:
Christ/Church
Bridegroom/Bride
Husband/Wife
Christ/Sister
Priest/Church

You MUST go check out this awesome song: http://popup.lala.com/popup/1657606185550498364

Blinding Light

Have you ever looked at a bright light? At first, it may have been painful, but if you kept looking at it, your eyes adjusted and everything else seemed to disappear in the darkness? Ever think this experience would be a life lesson?

I've been having a difficult time lately focusing on God. It all started with not giving enough time to God in prayer. And when our relationship began to struggle, it became more difficult for me to live the life He asks me to live. It was harder to not be anxious about the future, harder to love in difficult situations, harder to keep my mind pure, and ultimately harder to stay away from the temptations of life. I was so frustrated with myself. I just kept falling short of what I was called to be. In the midst of this disappointment, I attended Catholic Underground (an amazing ministry in LA that starts with a holy hour and continues with some kind of artist "underground" in the basement of the Church).

During adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, the Church is dimmed and a spotlight is directed at the monstrance. At the particular location I (or rather God) had picked, the light hit perfectly on the metal to shine right into my eyes. At first, the blinding light hurt my eyes and I tried to avoid it, but then I realized that God was telling me something through this experience.

Instead of avoiding the light, I stared right into it. After moments of squinting and bearing the pain, my eyes adjusted to the light. It became easy to stare right at the monstrance. And the more I focused on Christ, the less I could see anything else. Everything outside of the path of light faded until it disappeared and I could only see the light. It was truly a "blinding light". And that's when it all made sense!

So many times in life, we get so distracted by everything and start stumbling along our path so much that we forget how to keep moving forward after we keep falling. Jesus was showing me that if I would only focus on Him, everything else wouldn't be so difficult. That the more I focused on Him, the more I would adjust and get used to focusing on Him. That if I'd only keep my eyes on Him, soon I wouldn't even be able to see the temptations that were in the darkness anymore. Just like focusing on the light made all that was out of it's path disappear, so would focusing on Christ make everything not in the path to Christ fade and disappear. He was showing me that it wouldn't be so difficult, I just needed to put my spiritual blinders on and focus on Christ!

As I began to re-center on Christ in my life, it wasn't long before everything that was distracting me in the shadows faded away into the darkness and disappeared.

Life or Death Decisions

Moses said to the people:
“Today I have set before you
life and
prosperity, death and doom.
If you obey the commandments of the LORD, your
God,
which I enjoin on you today,
loving him, and walking in his ways,
and keeping his commandments, statutes and decrees,
you will live and
grow numerous,
and the LORD, your God,
will bless you in the land you
are entering to occupy.
If, however, you turn away your hearts and will not
listen,
but are led astray and adore and serve other gods,
I tell you
now that you will certainly perish;
you will not have a long life
on the
land that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and occupy.
I call heaven and
earth today to witness against you:
I have set before you life and death,
the blessing and the curse.
Choose life, then,
that you and your
descendants may live, by loving the LORD, your God,
heeding his voice, and
holding fast to him.
For that will mean life for you,
a long life for
you to live on the land that the LORD swore
he would give to your fathers
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”
Dt. 30:15-20

Today was the second day of my Lenten Challenge, to attend daily Mass. This task wasn't quite as difficult when I was living at college (considering there were Masses each day from 7:15 am to 9:30 pm). But since I have graduated, it has become difficult for me to make a commitment. I willingly admit that it is because of my lack of self-discipline. I simply love to sleep, I can't help it! It is my hope that after completing this Lenten Challenge, I will easily be able to continue it as a Challenge for life.

I got myself out of bed this morning for the latest morning mass I could find in the area. 2 days down, 38 to go. Today's reading was Deuteronomy 30:15-20. God always has a way of making the daily mass readings exactly what I need to learn from that day.

Moses makes it pretty simple for us, and clearly puts it in black or white: Choose life, or choose death. It couldn't be put any simpler. But it really got me thinking. Every single step I take in life is either toward life, or toward death; toward heaven, or toward hell; toward God, or away from Him. Each morning that I decide my sleep is more important than meeting My Lord at Mass, each day I don't do my best at my job, each day I fail to spend enough time in prayer, I'm choosing death. It seems a little harsh . . . but it's entirely true!

In every decision we have, God sets before us "life and death, the blessing and the curse." Which will you choose? "Death and doom", or "life and prosperity"?

Let us, as Moses encourages us to do today, "CHOOSE LIFE"!

May this Lenten Season bring you new grown, purity, and life. May we always remember to strive for sainthood, aiming for heaven.

Another Tune for a Tuesday: "Don't Be Afraid" by Pete Buncher

"Don't Be Afraid"
Pete Buncher

Don't be afraid,
I'll hold your hand.
Don't be afraid,
I'll help you stand
For me.

Don't be afraid,
I cast no stones.
And though you may roam,
I'll lead you, I'll lead you home.

I gave my life,
So that you would live with me.
I've broken my body,
So that you may be free.
So come follow me.

Don't be afraid,
I go before you.
This price is paid,
I love you, I'll lead you home.

I gave my life,
So that you would live with me.
I've broken my body,
So that you would be free.
Come follow me.

Don't be afraid,
my voice is in you.
Just walk my way,
I love you, and I'll lead you home.
Oh I love you, and I'll lead you home.

This Tuesday called for a double dose of lyrics! A friend from high school youth group just released his first CD! I'm listening to it for the first time right now, and as this song came on, I was filled with joy. I remember listening to this song a few years back in his college campus house. Who would have know (answer: God) that it would be speaking to me again today!

Download the album on iTunes! And if you're in the St. Louis area, head to his CD release party this Saturday at 6:30 pm at Assumption Parish in SoCo!

Congrats Pete! And thanks for a beautiful album to bless my ears!

Do not deprive yourself of something so advantageous . . .

Today, this was the reading we had at a woman's prayer/study group I attended. And man, this surely kicked my butt! The things I considered most important I made bold. Read it, think about it, and amend your life as needed! May we all learn to spend quiet time reflecting on GOD! :)

The Imitation of Mary: Chapter 4, pg 110,
NECESSITY & ADANTAGES OF MEDITATION

♥ The Believer

O Cave of Bethlehem, let me experience what Mary felt when the shepherds came to adore Jesus in the manger! Or rather, do you yourself, Virgin Mother, show me the thoughts and feelings that were in your heart at that moment.


♥ Mary

My child, the deeply moving sight of God become an infant, in a manger, and wrapped in poor rags was for me a wide and inexhaustibly deep theme for my reflection. I could never weary of meditating on that great mystery. What I saw and heard was forever written in my heart and affected me profoundly. Even more than the shepherds did I wonder at the great things that were taking place; all the powers of my soul were concentrated on them. Countless tender affections sprang continuously from my heart, and I never ceased my praise and blessing of Almighty God.

My child, if you want a deeper understanding of the mysteries of faith you must take them seriously and meditate attentively on them.

Many Christians have but a weak faith because they neglect to nourish and strengthen it through meditation. The world is filled with so much crime and disorder, and the forgetfulness of the eternal truths is the reason for it. By meditating often on the perfections of God and the nothingness of things human the saints achieved detachment from creatures and were able to concentrate their affections on the Creator. Through this holy exercise they learned to value only what is great and valuable in God's eyes and their hearts were set on fire with a holy love that sought to lose itself in the bosom of God.

Therefore, let no day pass without feeding your soul on some salutary truth. That is how to learn the science of the saints. Do not excuse yourself with the claims that you have no time for meditation. What you lack is the will, not the time.

You have only one important business in life: to save your soul. Should you not think about it everyday?

You always find time to think seriously about the transitory business of this world. And yet there are no concerns closer to you or of greater importance to you than those of eternity.

Do not excuse yourself by saying you cannot meditate. You are quite able to reflect on countless matters of pure curiosity. Can you really claim that you are unable to think when it comes to reflecting on the great mysteries of faith and eternity? Admit rather that you have no great love for the Lord; admit that you are ungrateful. My child, your life will always be well ordered if you examine yourself daily in the presence of God and if you are what you ought to be in His sight.

Death will surely not take you by surprise if you learn each day how to die well. Spend just a quarter of an hour each day meditating before the altar or your crucifix on the greatness, mercy, threats, and promises of the Lord, and you will acquire a knowledge infinitely superior to that of all the philosophers whose works teach everything but the knowledge of eternal salvation.

Of what use is it for a man to have stocked in his mind with all the knowledge the world regards as practical and worthwhile if he lacks the knowledge the saints had, the knowledge that made them saints? You do not become virtuous simply by desiring it; you must seriously study and learn the means of becoming virtuous.

Never weary of asking Jesus for the grace to overcome your repugnance to an exercise from which the devil would gladly dissuade you, knowing as he does how important it is to you.

Do not deprive yourself of something so advantageous not only for yourself but for those who will be more especially entrusted to your care.

Remain

1 John 4:7-21

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.

This is how we know that we remain in him and he in us, that he has given us of his Spirit. Moreover, we have seen and testify that the Father sent his Son as savior of the world. Whoever acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God remains in him and he in God. We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him. In this is love brought to perfection among us, that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

This past Sunday, the 2nd reading consisted in this passage. As I sat listening in my pew, I smiled with joy at the reading. This is the passage I picked for my senior seminar paper and project. Let me start by expressing how beautiful the Word of God is! It is so old and has so much history (much of which must be learned in order to understand the meaning of the passages), and yet, it is the Living Word. It means something today. God speaks to you through each word read, many times in a new way each time it is read.

This was my experience on Sunday. I studied this passage extensively just last year. Spending hours upon hours studying the words and their meaning, what Pope Benedict, St. Augustine, and others had written about it, and anything else I could find about the passage. I spent hours comparing everything, and learning just how many layers of beautiful meaning were held in the words. And yet, much to my surprise, the passage I knew so well spoke to me in a brand new way. What stuck out this time: Remain: "God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him."

It has been a struggle for me lately to stay constant in my relationship with God: To set aside that time dedicated soley to Him in prayer, to sacrifice my desired sleeping schedule in order to attend daily mass each morning, to be a woman of constant prayer and service to Him. And Sunday, as I sat listening to His Words, it was clear to me that this is what he wanted me to hear.

Remain . . . remain in love . . . remain in Him.

Remain: to stay; to continue to be in a place; to be in existence or in a certain state for an indefinitely long time.
Remain: abide, be left, cling, continue, dwell, endure, go on, hold on, hold out, inhabit, keep on, last, live, lodge, make camp, nest, outlast, outlive, persist, prevail, remain standing, reside, rest, sit tight, stand, stay, stay put, stick around, survive, wait.

Each of these words has a beautiful meaning of remaining in Him. To remain in God, we must abide by Him, be left in Him, cling to Him, continue with Him, dwell in Him. We must hold on, endure, last, persist, prevail, reside, stay. We must remain constant. Constantly remaining with Him in each moment of each day of our lives. We cannot: depart, forge, go, leave, or move. We cannot be flakey with God. We cannot only go to Him when we are in trouble, we cannot only spend time with Him when it is convenient, we cannot live with God as simply a part of our lives. He must BE our life. He must be where we dwell, where we lodge, where we make camp, nest, reside.

Today, as I reflect on what God is revealing to me through this passage, I see ever more clearly that one is either moving toward or away from Christ. There is no standing still. And if it seems that one is standing still, it is most likely that they are drifting away from Christ. I see that He is challenging me to remain in Him when things are difficult, remain in Him when I am tempted, remain in Him when I am tired, remain in Him when I am scared, remain in Him when I am am restless, and remain in Him when I am lazy. I see that He is callling me to consistently remain in Him.

"God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him."