A song for the broken-hearted . . .

To the broken-hearted,

I heard this song on my pandora today, and I cannot get over how perfect it is for that time in a break-up when you just need to "feel it". My roommates from college could easily place this in my junior year playlist. I wish I'd heard it then! It sums up exactly how I believe someone must healthily deal with a break-up: near to Him. I can remember when I felt just like this, falling into the arms of My Lord, allowing him to slowly heal a broken heart. Clinging to him, trusting that He alone can piece my heart back together. And you know what? He did so much more than just put my heart back together! He healed relationships, changed hearts, and did miracles I never imagined.

It is through prayer and facing the pain that you must move on from heart-break. As a wise professor once told me, in the mess of emotions, you must take each one, recognize it, feel it, and then place it neatly on the shelf. If it is sadness, be sad; happiness? Be happy. If it is anger, be angry. Whatever the emotion, name it, take the time to truly feel it, and when it is time to move on, file it away. Turning to God in my grief and following that professor's advice got me through it all. In the end, there will be "beauty from pain".

"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." - James 4:8

Near to You
by A Fine Frenzy

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading suddenly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are

Living a New Life . . . still for Christ

Some of you may have been wondering what happened to me . . . or maybe no one did! Regardless, I'm going to let you know. :-)

I have gone through so many life changes since my last post that I could write a whole blog just about them! In short, I have said goodbye to California (the place I had just learned to call home), packed up my little apartment, drove cross-country with my fiance back to Missouri, lived with my parents while begging God to give me and my fiance jobs, we both found jobs in Kansas City, and I moved to Kansas City and started my new job. Whew, that's a lot in just over a month! I've been completely consumed ever since with preparing for my wedding that is just less than a month away! It's been such a whirlwind since I left California that I can hardly comprehend it all.

Leaving California was heart-breaking. There were small sobbs at my last Mass at StP2 and quiet tears as I watched the last car filled with my friends pull out of the parking lot from my going away party, knowing it was likely the last time I would see them for quite a long time. Saying goodbye to friends and the parish that became my family was something surreal at the time, but is slowly setting in these days. Some days I still feel like I'm just on vacation . . . that's lasted a long time. Other days it hits me like a freight train that I'm not going back to California, at least not any time soon. :-\ Looking back, I don't think I realized how much of a family I had found in the parish. I often find myself wishing the parish I am now at was as warmly welcoming as StP2. Most of all, I miss the friends I made.

Now don't misunderstand, I love being close to my family again, seeing my close college friends again, and most of all, seeing my fiance on a regular basis for the first time since we started dating in 2004. Regardless, I left a piece of my heart in California, and it has not gone unnoticed.

This is to you Cali, thanks for welcoming me as family and sending me off with much love!