"Let us not fast in vain."

Often, when I'm looking for a daily mass to attend, I head to masstimes.org to find the latest Mass that fits into my schedule. Yes, I will not deny that mornings are not my favorite time of day. Once I'm up and going, I love when I have gotten up early. Unfortunately, that is the last thing I care about when I'm hitting snooze.

On Friday, In keeping with my normal routine, I attending an evening Mass at a parish a small distance away. The readings, as is fitting for Lent, focused on fasting. The first reading called us to see the meaning of our fast.

Isaiah 58:1-9
Thus says the Lord GOD:
Cry out full-throated and
unsparingly,
lift up your voice like a trumpet blast;
Tell my people
their wickedness,
and the house of Jacob their sins.
They seek me day
after day,
and desire to know my ways,
Like a nation that has done what
is just
and not abandoned the law of their God;
They ask me to declare what is due them,
pleased to gain access to God.
“Why do we fast, and you do not see it?
afflict ourselves, and you take no note of it?”

Lo, on your fast day you carry out your own pursuits,
and drive all your laborers.
Yes, your fast ends in quarreling and fighting,
striking with wicked claw.
Would that today you might fast
so as to make your voice heard on high!
Is this the manner of fasting I wish,
of keeping a day of penance:
That a man bow his head like a reed
and lie in sackcloth and ashes?
Do you call this a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD?
This, rather, is the fasting that I wish:
releasing those bound unjustly,
untying the thongs of the yoke;
Setting free the oppressed,
breaking every yoke;
Sharing your bread with the hungry,
sheltering the oppressed and the homeless;
Clothing the naked when you see them,
and not turning your back on your own.
Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,
and your wound shall quickly be healed;
Your vindication shall go before you,
and the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer,
you shall cry for help, and he will say:
Here I am!

Talk about a wake up call! Is it not too often that Catholics refrain from eating or doing something without praying with it? How many times have we, ourselves, failed to genuinely pray through our fast, rather than simply abstaining from something?

The priest at this parish gave a wonderful homily. He closed with a simple, yet profound, statement: "Let us not fast in vain."

What good is fasting if there is no meaning behind it but simple will-power? What good is abstaining from meat on Fridays if we have our favorite seafood instead? What is the point of "giving up" chocolate if we do not thank Christ for His sacrifice each time we pass up a treat? How is unplugging a television set have any purpose if we do not use our newly free time to give glory to God?

"Lent is not about a bunch of praying. It is not about fixing a few bad habits. Lent is about reorienting our life toward the end for which we were created" (Fr. Andy Alexander)

As we enter this first week of Lent, let's prayerfully focus on the meaning of our actions. It is through this season that we have the opportunity to celebrate the Paschal mystery with mind and heart renewed.

California Adventures of a Missouri vagabond

It's been a while since I've updated the items I've crossed off the "California Bucket List" I made months ago. I've made a little progress, eliminating two adventures from the to-do list. Thus, there are two stories to tell.

Disneyland

I finally made it to Disneyland after living just a short drive away from it for a year and a half. Our parish staff takes "staff days" periodically throughout the year, and in December, we found out we were going to Disneyland! Best part about that, it was free! I've always wanted to go to Disneyland, but spending 90-something dollars to go to an amusement park for a day just doesn't fit into my budget or my common sense. I would have liked to spend a little more time there, and be able to go on some of the more exciting rides, but none-the-less, I knocked something off the list without spending a dime!

The places I experienced: Star Tours, Mad Tea Party, It's a Small World, Jungle Cruise, Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Carribbean, Soaring over California, California Screamin'. (I think that about does it).

(Above: In the "A" of "California")

Overall, Disneyland was a neat place to visit. I don't think it quite met my expectations (everyone talks about how wonderful it is). Don't get me wrong, I had a great time, but I honestly doubt I'll ever pay for a full priced ticket, and certainly wouldn't get a season pass. If I had kids, it seems more likely that I would consider it, but even then, I'm not so sure I spend $200 a person to go.

I may, however, do a community service day and get a free ticket! That seems more than worth it! :)

(Above: Tea cup madness!)

Canter's Deli

Our trip to Canter's Deli was a wonderful memory! Last night, a good friend came over to have a girl's night and catch up with each other. We ate dinner, updated each other on the latest happenings of our lives, and then we moved on to the internet. At this point, my blog came up, and soon, we were looking at the bucket list. As we went through what I had yet to cross-off, we made it to Canter's Deli. It wasn't long after she mentioned that they were open 24-hours that we were headed out the door at 12:00 am to drive into LA! After a quick stop to fill up the gas take, we were off!

A short 40 min. later, we were walking up to the door of a 24-hour Jewish Deli. We opted to sit near the bar in order to hear the band that was playing. It was a joy to watch the many interesting people that came in and out of the restaurant, especially at 2:00 am! I ordered a staple grilled honey ham sandwich that was delicious, while my partner-in-crime ordered the matzo ball soup (her favorite). We enjoyed great conversation, delicious food, and a warm cup of coffee before we made our way toward the exit. We didn't fail to stop by the bakery on our way out though! I have yet to try any of the treats I purchased, but I can assure you that it was money (and will be calories) well spent!

It was a crazy trip, and I'm definitely tired from staying up until 4:00 am, but I find that these not so logical, but not stupid or dangerous, decisions have become the most memorable times of my life.


The California Bucket List

1) Learn to Surf
2) Swim with the Dolphins at Sea World
3) Visit and hike Catalina Island
4) Hollywood
5) Malibu
6) Santa Barbara
7) Dodgers Statium
8) See a movie premeire
9) Hike to the Hollywood sign
10) Stay at Hotel del Coronado
11) Channel Islands
12) Lake Arrowhead
13) Joshua Tree
14) Palm Springs
15) Yosemite
16) Vegas
17) Disneyland
18) Grand Canyon
19) Sequoia National Park
20) Drive Pacific Coast Highway
21) Huntington Library
22) San Francisco
23) The Missions (Fulfilled in Santa Barbara)
24) Kayaking caves at La Jolla
25) Hearst Castle
26) Sailing
27) Death Valley
28) Hollywood Bowl
29) Whale Watching
30) Grunion Runs (with my Dad)
31) San Diego Zoo
32) La Brea Tar Pits
33) The Ghetty Museum
34) Griffith Observatory
35) Universal Studios
36) Santa Monica Pier
37) Eat at Planet Hollywood
38) Venice Boardwalk
39) Santa Monica Promenade
40) Be an extra or in the studio audience of a TV show
41) LA County Museum of Art
42) Pantages Theater
43) Tommy's Burger
44) Canter's Deli
45) Philippe's French Dip Sandwich
46) Fashion District
47) Olvera Street
48) Tijuana
49) Move back to Missouri

Life or Death Decisions

Moses said to the people:
“Today I have set before you
life and
prosperity, death and doom.
If you obey the commandments of the LORD, your
God,
which I enjoin on you today,
loving him, and walking in his ways,
and keeping his commandments, statutes and decrees,
you will live and
grow numerous,
and the LORD, your God,
will bless you in the land you
are entering to occupy.
If, however, you turn away your hearts and will not
listen,
but are led astray and adore and serve other gods,
I tell you
now that you will certainly perish;
you will not have a long life
on the
land that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and occupy.
I call heaven and
earth today to witness against you:
I have set before you life and death,
the blessing and the curse.
Choose life, then,
that you and your
descendants may live, by loving the LORD, your God,
heeding his voice, and
holding fast to him.
For that will mean life for you,
a long life for
you to live on the land that the LORD swore
he would give to your fathers
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”
Dt. 30:15-20

Today was the second day of my Lenten Challenge, to attend daily Mass. This task wasn't quite as difficult when I was living at college (considering there were Masses each day from 7:15 am to 9:30 pm). But since I have graduated, it has become difficult for me to make a commitment. I willingly admit that it is because of my lack of self-discipline. I simply love to sleep, I can't help it! It is my hope that after completing this Lenten Challenge, I will easily be able to continue it as a Challenge for life.

I got myself out of bed this morning for the latest morning mass I could find in the area. 2 days down, 38 to go. Today's reading was Deuteronomy 30:15-20. God always has a way of making the daily mass readings exactly what I need to learn from that day.

Moses makes it pretty simple for us, and clearly puts it in black or white: Choose life, or choose death. It couldn't be put any simpler. But it really got me thinking. Every single step I take in life is either toward life, or toward death; toward heaven, or toward hell; toward God, or away from Him. Each morning that I decide my sleep is more important than meeting My Lord at Mass, each day I don't do my best at my job, each day I fail to spend enough time in prayer, I'm choosing death. It seems a little harsh . . . but it's entirely true!

In every decision we have, God sets before us "life and death, the blessing and the curse." Which will you choose? "Death and doom", or "life and prosperity"?

Let us, as Moses encourages us to do today, "CHOOSE LIFE"!

May this Lenten Season bring you new grown, purity, and life. May we always remember to strive for sainthood, aiming for heaven.

"Remember, man, you are dust and to dust you will return."

Yesterday, we began the journey of the season of Lent. For those readers who may not be Catholic, you have probably seen Catholics walking around with dirt on their foreheads. You may have heard Catholics talking about what they are "giving up for Lent" and saying "it's Friday, I can't eat meat." Often, this is about all that the general public knows of Lent, and sadly, many Catholics don't know much more.

Lent is the the liturgical season that begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on Holy Thursday. This season is 40 days long (not counting Sundays when we celebrate the Resurrection of Christ), commemorating the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert (which reflected the 40 years the Israelites spent wandering the desert). This season is a time of reflection, prayer, fasting, abstinence, and alms giving. It's an invitation to grow closer to Christ and prepare our hearts for Easter.

Ash Wednesday is a day that we particularly address the reality of sin and death. We stop to remember that we will leave this earth, it is not our home. On a very practical level, Lent is a time for us to examine our lives. It is a time for us to get our priorities straight and refocus on Our Lord. In a special way, we enter the desert with Christ during this season. We "give things up" in order to free our hearts for God.

This year, I'm giving up a habit that takes up much of my time each day. It is my hope to spend the time I will now have free focusing on God. Either reading spiritual books, the bible, praying, going to mass, etc. It is my intention this year to truly enter into the beauty of this season. To re-align my priorities and focus again on making each day focused on joining my will with My Lord. To remember that this Earth is not our Final Destination. And to remember, as we are reminded every year on Ash Wednesday that "we are dust, and to dust we will return."

“Remember, man, you are dust and to dust you will return.” Gen. 3:19

I just wanna be the girl I used to be when I was me and worry free . . .

Wow, it's been quite a while since I updated last. As I sit here wondering where my life has taken me since my last post, I quickly realized why I haven't been using my keyboard lately.

When taking a silly "How Well do you know your future spouse" quiz with my fiance a few weeks ago, one of the questions for him was as follows: "How would your future wife describe herself? A: Optimist, Pessimist, or Realist." His answer: Optimist (that is what she would say). He didn't mean this to hurt me, but it really hit me. All my life, I've been optimistic. I generally always look on the bright side of things and can always see the good in a situation. It took this moment with my future hubby to realize that I've lost my optimistic attitude.

I haven't been posting recently because I like to post positive and happy posts, or at least not pessimistic ones. The last month or two have been increasingly more difficult for me, and harder to look on the bright side. I can't put my finger on one situation or event that has caused this, but I can see that it's there. Maybe it's being away from my fiance. Maybe it's because my responsibilities at work have become more difficult to meet. Maybe it's because I miss old friends, or because my friends in California just don't seem to have enough time for a social life. Maybe it's because I live alone and don't have my roommates that always seemed to take my mind off the stresses of life. Maybe it's because I'm planning a wedding from 1500 miles away or because I'm ready to move home. Maybe it's because no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get my life schedule in order, or because I can't seem to stick to a healthy lifestyle. Maybe it's because I recognize the loss of my optimistic tendencies. Of course, it's probably a mixture of all of these.

All my life, people have commented on the fact that I'm always smiling, that I'm always happy, that I radiate joy. Of course, in reality, I was not always smiling or always happy, but a majority of the time, I chose to be. It's been a year or two since I've heard that comment about me, but it wasn't until now that I realized it's absence.

I guess I'm just disappointed. I'm sitting here wondering if the people in California even know the real me. Because that optimistic, joyfully, happy, and smiling person is me. I think that I must have been me when I moved here, but somewhere along the way, I've lost myself in the stress of life.

What does all this mean? It's time for change! It's time to set some goals. Today, I am determined to find myself again. I am determined to fix my sleeping schedule, eating habits, attitude, and prayer life. I am determined to believe in myself and God's plan. I am determined to give the kids that are counting on me all that I can before I leave. I am determined to set out on more adventures, be more diligent at work, and not stress about work when I'm not on the clock. I am determined to enjoy planning a wedding and give my fiance more attention. I am determined that I will make the most of the next 5 months. I am determined to show California the real me before I head back to the midwest.

Here's to the new (or old) and improved me! It's time to kick my sanguine butt into gear, and it's going to take the choleric me to do it!

"Uncle Chuck Brownies"

It's been a week since Uncle Chuck's death, almost to the hour. As my parents house is a whirlwind of preparations for Christmas, I chose to make my new brownie creation that I created over Thanksgiving break.

When I came home last month, my fiance and I were planning to stop by to see my uncle on the way to KC from STL. I wanted to bring something for him, but I didn't have very much extra time to bake during the short time I was in Missouri. I decided brownies would be acceptable and take less time than the apple pie I normally make around Thanksgiving. I generally don't like brownies that I make, they always tend to be too thin and hard around the edges. I've never been very pleased with them. So, I began to brainstorm with my mom. I love brownies that are thick and moist . . . so, maybe I could put two boxes of brownies into one pan. And a bag of chocolate chips would make them more moist, right? I placed the brownies into the oven, hopeful about the results of the new experiment. When the brownies were done, they looked delicious!

As I sit here waiting for those same brownies to bake, I'm thinking of my Uncle and adding one last thing to the recipe. When we took the brownies to my uncle, he was not at all disappointed at the sight of brownies. He suggested my aunt bring in "that stuff to make it al a mode!" Whipped Cream! I know that I will forever think of Uncle Chuck when I make these brownies, and I am confident that he is hear with us this season. So, here's the simple, yet absolutely delicious recipe, for all to share!

Uncle Chuck Brownies

Ingredients

2 Boxes Brownie Mix (including all ingredients: i.e. eggs, oil, water)

1 bag of Milk Chocolate Chips

1 Carton Whipped Cream

Heat oven as directed according to box's 8X8 (Thickest) temperature

Grease bottom of 9 X 13 pan, or spray with nonstick cooking spray.

Combine one box of brownie mix and ingredients as directed on box.

Pour batter into pan. Sprinkle chocolate chips evenly over brownie batter.

Then, combine second box of brownie mix and ingredients as directed on box. Pour batter into pan, over chocolate chip layer.

Bake according to time on box for 8X8 pan (Thickest). Remove from oven and let cool.

When serving, add dollop of whipped cream to each serving. Store covered.

Forever he is free, You hold him now . . .

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fear is swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

"You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong

Today, my uncle and God-father went to be with Our Lord. He had been bravely battling the monster of pancreatic cancer, but after a valient effort, his battle and pain is now over.

I had just stepped off of the plane in Kansas City when I returned my mother's message. Not the most pleasant greeting to my Christmas vacation . . . I've been thinking about my dad, his brothers and sisters, my aunt, and my cousins alot, and praying that God holds them tight in His arms to ease their pain. As I contemplated if God was giving each of them the comfort they need in this difficult time, it was made evidently clear to me that, based on my own experiences, there is no doubt in my mind that He is doing just that.

Since I started dating my now fiance, I have lost 3 people in my life. Each time I heard the heartbreaking news, I was hours away from my family, but God gave me the blessing of placing Dan nearby to comfort me. The first, a life-long family friend that I shared most of my childhood vacations with. I was living in St. Louis at the time, and able to leave early from work and head straight to Dan's house. The second, my grandfather. I was at college at the time, 4 1/2 hours from home, but Dan happened to be visiting me that weekend and was sitting next to me when I got the phone call. And today, my Uncle Chuck. I had just met my fiance at the gate when I returned my mother's call.It's amazing how God always puts everything into place.

God is a comforting and loving Father. Even though we are joyful in knowing that our loved ones are finally with Him in heaven, he knows how difficult and painful it is for us to see them go and continue life on earth without them. So here is my moment of clarity: I can guarantee that in each of the situations I mentioned above, I was not the first person that God needed to comfort at the time. If God was taking so much care to place me in situations that would provide cushioning for the grief, he must be taking that much more care of those who are closest to that loved one.

Thank you, Lord, for your unending love and care for your grieving children. Please continue to comfort and hold my family in your arms as we endure the heartache, especially my aunt.

My greatest memories of my uncle: When he, his wife, and another aunt and uncle came to visit me while I studied abroad in Italy. They bought me my first drink of alcohol for my 21st birthday (Italian wine, of course)! The days throughout my life that we would go to Sunday Mass and see Uncle Chuck. It was always a pleasant surprise and gift to see him when he was in town. The times he was goofy and silly; when he was most joyful. When he and my aunt witnessed my baptism an pledged to teach me about Christ. (ok, so I don't remember this, but it is great!)

Uncle Chuck, thank you for your presence in my life, when you knew you were making a difference and when you didn't. We love you and will miss you until we meet again.

For the repose of the soul of Chuck Stack: Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Most faithful God, lively is the courage of those who hope in You. Your servant Chuck suffered greatly, but placed his trust in Your mercy. Confident that the petition of those who mourn pierces the clouds and finds an answer, we beg You, give rest to Chuck. Do not remember his sins, but look upon his sufferings and grant him refreshment, light, and peace. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Isaiah 40:29-31
He gives strength to the weary, and strenght to the powerless . . . They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar as with eagles' wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.